While this is starting to look like a Pokemon Go blog, it really isn’t meant to be. But right now that’s a tiny bit of what this post contains. But it is also about depression, friends, and food.
I haven’t been blogging as much recently because life happened (as it does) and I started to feel overwhelmed. Here’s a list of the major 4 events:
- New job search. Completing job applications and cover letters freak me out, but waiting to hear if I have a shot at the job is even harder. The waiting makes me doubt myself and think the worst about myself (no matter what comforting things people tell me).
- My job hired one of my coworkers for a promotion, even though I have more experience and they always tell me how awesome I am.) M That hurt so badly that I curled up ball under the blanket at home and would have binged ate if I had food in my place.
- My sink overflowed in my bathroom because the lady on the top floor of my condo poured draino in it when it was clogged. I had a inch of water on the floor and all my toiletries were ruined. The lady then changed her story to my landlady (saying she only used a plunger), so the damage was deemed mostly my fault because I have the most hair. Henceforth, the clog must come from me. Oddly enough, the water to that sink had been turned off for month because the faucet was broken. So the damages there and the unfairness didn’t help my mood.
- And, finally, when I was leaving work at 10pm (early for once) I had to pull over at a gas station because I had a flat tire. I call AAA for help and then called my boyfriend who lives nearby to sit with me, as it was late at night and I was at a creepy gas station. And then I broke the fuck down. I was tearing up by the time Mike got there because I felt so guilty for calling him (the second time this week since the flood happened earlier that week) and having him leave the house after he got off work too. He didn’t do anything to make me feel guilty, but I’m really good at guilt tripping myself. I ended up asking if I could spend the night at his place and he drop me off at the mechanic on his way to work. He said that wouldn’t be a problem, but I still felt guilty as hell. I’d pulled him away from his relaxing evening because of my problems.
So, this week the cost of all the crap that happened to me came to $253.32. And by the time I got my car back I was a nervous wreck who hadn’t slept well in two weeks. Before I settled into a ball of blankets at my place, I went to my mom’s and cleaned out a tub of vanilla ice cream. Didn’t even bother with a bowl – I just ate from the tub. While I was eating my commandeered ice cream my phone went off. Scott, one of my friends from college, had texted both myself and another friend Travis (learn a tiny bit about them in my previous post about Pokemon Go). Scott wanted to know if we wanted to go Pokemon Hunting at the park that night.
I stared at the phone with the plastic spoon still hanging from my mouth. My first reaction was to say no, stay in that night curled up on the couch and watching Netflix. But I held off answering that text until I got home – by then I had decided to go. I figured why not? I needed to walk off the ice cream. I answered Scott back that I would meet him at the park and began to feel a little better.
But what me feel even more better next was when I went into the kitchen looking for a (yet another) snack. There isn’t much food in my place because of my budget, so snacking isn’t something I can do very often. However, I found something hidden in the back of my pantry: A box of Tagalongs from the Girl Scouts.
I had hidden it months ago so my mom wouldn’t see it and I’d have to share (which seems really mean now that I think about the fact that I’d just eaten her ice cream). I grabbed that box, poured myself a HUGE glass of milk, just sat back to enjoy.
Heaven. It was pure heaven.
So after the cookies I definitely needed to go out and exercise, which made Pokemon Hunting a good thing to happen.Besides the fact that I also got a plate of lamb gyros from a food truck, I ended up walking 4.5 miles. And for some parts, I was running too.
Travis noticed a rare Pokemon coming up on his tracking and demanded we all spread out to find it. I was wondering off (not really understanding what I was doing) when I saw a group of people running around the lake. Travis suddenly jogged past me and I yelled out, “Wait! What’s all this mean?”
“I means follow me!” Travis yelled back.
I looked at Scott, who said, “No. We can walk. I promised I would never be one of those people who ran for Pokemon.”
I stared at him for a second, then took off running (I heard him mutter “And there she goes”), joining a group of about 10 people running as well.
Everyone was called out “Where is it? Have you found it?”, and it was actually kind of exhilarating. Like running with the bulls or something.
I caught up with Travis, who lead me to a side of the park when a a dozen or more people were all standing. That’s when I found it – a giant toad, plant thing.
I truly needed a night where I gorged myself on comfort foods and then ran with a pack of nerds for a Pokemon. Reading has helped with depression before, so has writing and talking to people. I’ve got great friends to joke around with, a family that cares, and a boyfriend who is there for me (even when he is super exhausted from work and just wants to watch Netflix).
But sometimes you also need junk food and imaginary creatures to throw balls at to make you remember everything will be alright in the end.